Testing 1,2,3

I went to the counseling office this week to check on something and found out my current GPA is a 2.0. This is due to a golf class my husband and I began Spring semester but didn't finish. He blames me for being a bad influence on him when it comes to all things scholastic (he's the one with 3 degrees so I barely have a leg to stand on here) but hey honey, I have two words for you: Basic Cookery. Who influenced who on that one, huh?

My husband has always wanted to golf, and for his holiday present last year I bought him clubs, and thinking it would be fun to have a hobby we could do together besides fighting over who gets to record what shows on the DVR, we signed up for golf lessons through Community College. DVR's only record 2 shows at once, which, if you are a TV addict, isn't close to sufficient, and if you are a TV addict and you live with a TV addict, is preposterous, and if you are still in the process of contemplating getting a second DVR for upstairs at an extra $20 a month, bringing your monthly cable bill to almost the same amount as the national debt, well, golf seems like a much less expensive hobby. So we went the community college route thinking that we could give it the old college try, and if we didn't like it, we hadn't spent a fortune on lessons or DVR's. He liked it, I didn't, NEITHER of us continued. The instructor gave anyone that showed up even once to class a C, thus my stellar 2.0 GPA. So, now, unwittingly, I have to make up for a less than illustrious start in school all because I didn't want to spend a lot to take a lesson with a pro or continue to foster my local cable company's bid for world dominance. Worth it? I think not.

This week I had my first test in Hospitality, and my second test in Sanitation. I am determined to get A's in both classes, however, that may be a dream and not reality. I am bored beyond belief in my Hospitality class and since I have cataracts in both eyes and my vision is waning I can hardly do my reading as the books are clearly geared towards the young, healthy eyed reader. Every time I try to read my book I end up with a huge headache. So, first test, 20 points, I score 17. My instructor said if we score 17 and below on the first few tests she recommends we drop the class. We have 7 quizzes worth 20 points each and a final worth 60 points, 200 points in all for the entire class. One quiz, first quiz, and I already need to contemplate quitting? I figured if I get 17 on every quiz and a perfect score on the final I will be one point away from an A. I am NOT dropping this class and it is NOT dropping my GPA!

For Sanitation class, I got 2 wrong this quiz, giving me 108 points out of 112. I have an A at this point, but my worry is the final, as it is cumulative on all chapters. In small chunks the content of the course is challenging, in one big chunk for the final I am afraid it will be daunting. Although I have been in school a whole month now, and I feel more comfortable with it than when I first started, my memory, or lack thereof, is definitely a hurdle, but one I am determined to make it over come hell or high water. I'm also increasingly glad that I only took 2 classes this semester so I could ease back (can you say ease back in when you have been out for over 20 years) in to the school and studying scene.

On the baking front, my sister and I keep talking about ideas for products. We don't want to do a run of the mill bakery or cupcakes, being done. We want more of a niche. We have some good ideas, we'll see what comes of them.

Till next time...

The Only Guarantees in Life are Death and Taxes

It's been a week since I have written and I did not intend to go so long between blogs, but then again, what has happened this past week could not be anticipated. Death has a way of taking you by surprise.

On a happy note, my sister is out of the hospital and is holding her own. Thanks to all for your well wishes. On a very sad note, last Tuesday night, as I was leaving the hospital after a visit with her, my son sent me a text and told me that his best friend had passed away. He was 20 years old. Both my sons were friends of this wonderful young man, and his passing has had a profound impact on us all. While we will remember all the good times, we will miss him dearly.

It was a hectic and emotional week to say the least. I had school the next morning and although I did not sleep that night, I made myself get up and go anyways. I am glad I did, it took my mind off of this tragic loss for a few hours, and, Old Guy talked to me! I have a friend in school! Plus, IWSIUTASWTIISG (our new abbreviated name for I Will Say Inappropriate Unrelated Things and Speak While The Instructor Is Speaking Girl as typing THAT out all the time will just be too time consuming) must have been really tired as she had her head down on the desk most of class and did not speak to me incessantly during class. She did blurt out to ask me "small town bakery or big city bakery?" when Old Guy inquired what I was doing in school and I responded I was getting my Pastry Chef degree so I could I open a bakery. I have no idea what that question means. I was proud of myself for going to school despite how I was feeling.

My cancer cakes (pictured) turned out tasty but I have a habit of over-baking. Not happy with them of course!

Then, I had to run around like a mad woman because this was also the week of the birthday cake. My nephew's 4th birthday party was Saturday, and I promised the cake, no matter what, I was going to provide it. So, in between running around for the funeral (appropriate clothes for the boys, cards, etc.) and the cake, I was in frenzy mode. Thursday, Friday and Saturday are a big blur. The birthday cake (also pictured) is from GI Joe: The Rise of The Cobra. It has Snake Eyes on the top of the cake. It did not turn out even close to how I wanted it to, although it tasted really good, the design of it was not at all what I had in my head. Oh well, for my first tiered cake and under the circumstances I guess it was okay.

RIP TK...

Off The Beaten Path

I think The Secret is stupid. There, I said it. I also hated the movie and stage versions of Mamma Mia. I know I am in the minority on these two points, but, as with my love of reality TV and my aversion to corporate Friday T-shirt days I have my opinions and I'm sticking to them.

Now, let me be clear, I totally believe in the power of positive thinking, I just don't believe it is an ancient mythical secret that you have to pay 29.99 for a DVD to learn. You see, I tried to watch The Secret but after about 10 minutes I laughed out loud at the pomposity of it all and promptly fell asleep. Even I, a non-Secret watcher, can want something really bad, can vow to make it happen, and it can happen. Just like that, like magic. So, remember a couple of blogs ago I described the main building of my school as Downtown L.A. and the culinary wing as Palm Springs and I vowed to get my Monday class moved to the culinary wing, thus spending all my time in PS (clean, pristine!) and less germy conditions? Well, I did it. Yesterday I walked into class, just the second one I've had on Monday as last week was a holiday, and what do you think it said under "announcements" on the board? Yep, classroom moves next week. Where do you suppose it moves to? Yep, culinary wing! And get this, the reason is because we have too many students for our current classroom, so they had to move us to a larger one. Miracles DO happen! I didn't even have to fake a fire or anything.

One student in class yesterday felt the need to make a comment after every point our instructor made. Literally, every point. By the end of class, which, by the way, ran 3 minutes over not 15 minutes early as we were told it would, the instructor was asking Chatty Cathy to hold her comments. If she had had a BB gun I'm sure she would have pulled it out and shot that hand right out of the sky so we could get on with it already. Why do some people feel the need to hear themselves speak? Initially, some of CC's comments were adding an element of conversation to the class and enhancing it. By the end, you could tell she just needed to hear the sound of her own voice. We don't really need to hear every experience YOU have had that falls under the topic of what we are discussing. One or two would suffice. In the corporate world, I've been in meetings where a co-worker has done this, and it drives me, and probably everyone else in the room, crazy. Edit people, pay attention to cues. When you hear sighs and see eye rolls it is time to stop.

Also this week, I am making my nephew's 4th birthday cake. Initially he wanted transformers but changed his mind to GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra. I've made test frosting, a test 3D mask that will go on top of the cake, and have all the fondant and supplies. This cake is gonna cost $200 by the time I'm done. I have bought so many supplies I told my husband the cake will have to be the be the kids present! I'll take a picture of it once it is done and post it. Hopefully, it will turn out the way I planned. It is my first official tiered, home made, decorated with tricks from all the cake shows I watch cake.

Lastly, I am in the process of making mini banana dark chocolate cancer cakes. It's a recipe I modified from a Betty Crocker cancer cookbook. I volunteer at a cancer support center so I'm bringing them in for the program participants. Baking calms me down. My sis is in the hospital and we are awaiting word on what is going on, so I'm baking this morning. Will take pics and post, of course!

Everyone say a prayer for my sister please.

Make New Friends But Keep the Old

Yes! There was a new student in my Sanitation class yesterday and I am ecstatic! Not only is he a card carrying adult, he is a senior citizen. If he doesn't have AARP, Medicare, and at least a 6 in front of his age than my mother is Julia Child. I am now officially NOT the oldest person in that class by a mile and I love Old Guy for it. He sat in front of me and I tried my best to smile as hard as possible at the back of his head so he would turn around, and then we could forge the bond and be adult going back to school buddies. Since that didn't work out as planned, I excitedly jumped forward to answer his question about our online learning process, only to be beat out by an Emo kid with barely understandable English skills sitting next to my new BFF. Apparently you need to be much quicker on the draw in Community College. Walking around campus, I find myself smiling like a scary circus clown at anyone that looks like they have at least a 4 in front of their age. It's like we belong to the same club, but unfortunately none of the adult learner possible BFF's that I have crossed paths with seem the least bit interested in joining. Maybe it's the creepy smile.

So far the only student that has tried to come into my circle is I Will Say Inappropriate Unrelated Things and Speak While The Instructor Is Speaking Girl. She sits behind me in Sanitation and seems to want to tell me things I am not interested in knowing. I am transported back to high school as I smile, in a not scary clown way but a "why are you talking to me you are obviously a bit crazy and odd but I want to appear polite so I am smiling" way. Last week I thought it might be a fluke and she was just nervous about being in a new setting, but this week she was at it again and I found myself reduced to one word not so enthusiastic answers once the dialog began. What was I going to say to her when she spied my Starbucks in my hand and informed me, unprovoked, as I sat down in class that the only hot drink she likes is hot chocolate? She then proceeded to talk to me about "the river", her father and his transfer from "the river" firehouse to a house in Las Vegas, how she had been a Pastry student at Cordon Bleu but that didn't work out (oh God, really - I'm afraid to ask), the Charter high school she went to, and her brother, who is 17 and looks like HE is the 20 year old, attends now. I don't know her name but I know her entire family and their history dating back to the 1800's. She continued to talk to me, okay, well, she was talking, looking at me, but clearly she didn't want or need responses, she just wanted her prey to listen, as the instructor began the class. At that point I turned around, I am not jeopardizing my A for anyone sister! I then spent the next hour of class completely consumed with guilt for acting like a person about 25 years younger than my actual age and not someone who has kids her age. So, during our first break, I decided I would purposely turn back around to her and almost make eye contact which would in turn get her to start up again (it worked!) and THIS time I could be my nice and pleasant self and squash my guilt. Once class ended I stalled a few minutes pretending to put stuff in my book bag as I Will Say Inappropriate Unrelated Things and Speak While The Instructor Is Speaking Girl vanished into the culinary halls like vapor looking for her next victim.

Then I went home, took my first exam for this class exactly the moment my instructor made it available online, scored 106 out of 112, and began plotting how to weasel myself into Old Guys row at school next week.

Overachievers Anonymous

I think about writing and what to write about all the time now. Every conversation, everything that happens to me goes into the "maybe I will write about this" file. And then I get to choose what I share and what I don't. I've never been the kind of person that is really censored, conversely I never planned to be in my own little form of reality hanging it all out there for anyone to see, but, that is the reality of doing this since others can read it besides me.

So, the other day a friend of mine said it was really cool that I was letting people (and by people I mean I am up to about 10 readers) see my neurosis. Those were not his exact words, but that was the gist of it. You know, the whole I'm a bit more concerned about germs than the average person, perhaps my intense dislike of bugs, those types of things. Maybe we don't all broadcast them, but we all have them, don't we? Here's another one of mine - I'm a bit more compulsive than I used to be and have an inane need to do well, and by well I mean nothing less than 100%. I'm sure back in the day my parents would have appreciated my need to achieve, and there is something to be said about caring how well you do, but perfection, really?

As you know, I attended my first class on Sanitation just last week on Wednesday. My instructor informed us that day that all our homework was online and was to be submitted that way. In addition, he told us that if we like, we can actually go online and do all our homework for his class ahead of time. Twenty something years ago that would have meant to me that I would attempt to complete 14 chapters of homework ten minutes before they were due. Now, it means that by Saturday, a mere 3 days after I was told I could pre-do my homework, I had in fact completed every assignment. And I was pissed. Why? Because I got 4 questions wrong and have a 97.6% grade on my homework. So there you have it, I really really want to do well. I want an "A" but this class is hard, and I am not sure I can sustain this grade level come test time. Memory is key, there are a lot of numbers and weird sounding bacterias and viruses, I have to know my Listeria from my Shigella, and symptoms are strikingly similar. Diarrhea? Check? Cramps? Uh huh.

By the way, did I tell you I am deathly afraid to fly?

Move Over Jenny Craig There's a New Diet in Town

I learned A LOT today, literally. But before I get to that I have to tell you - I have 2 followers! Okay, so one of them is my husband and I made him be a follower, but one of them is not even a relative of mine. When I saw I had another follower (you know who you are and I am your new best friend! thank you for following) besides my beloved husband of so many years, someone that is out there in the world whom I don't know and whom I didn't have to coerce to do the following, my heart literally skipped a beat from excitement! For those of you asking yourself how DO I follow this wildly entertaining blog, you can become a follower of my blog by scrolling down to the "followers" section on the left and signing up to follow. If you want to give me a thrill, just do it. I am sure anytime a follower is added I will be just as excited as I was this first time. Plus, this is one instance where being a follower and not a leader is a good thing.

Another point before I get to what I learned today, for all of you wondering, I am NOT writing this blog because I saw the movie Julie & Julia. I did see the movie, and loved it, especially Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci, however, I was contemplating writing a blog a long time ago. In fact, the movie made me temporarily decide not to write one for fear of being unoriginal, but then I said screw it and am writing it anyway. I bring this up because my sister-in-law called me the other day to ask if I am doing this because of the movie, which, I have made clear, I am not! But, whatever!

So back to what I learned at school today. First of all, parking. At the main campus of CSN it seems everyone tries to park in this main lot and it is crowded, almost impossible to find a spot. If you veer left there is another parking lot and it was a snap to get a spot today, and even though I was 5 minutes late for class already when I pulled in I decided it would be the perfect time to investigate if that area was indeed student parking, and it was. Once parked there, you can walk under a covered portico to get to the main building, or take the parallel outside sidewalk. I chose covered portico and not only did I see one of the biggest, scariest, roach things just sauntering across the walk like it was on its way to class, I also saw the biggest, grossest spider I have ever seen outside of a zoo. It was like in the movies, huge, thick legged - totally gross. It is outside sidewalk for me from now on. I'm just saying, if you are not a bug fan, don't take the covered route.

Next, not all of the campus is disgusting! My Food Service Sanitation class, which is the class I had today, is held in the culinary wing of the school, and it is a whole new world, let me tell you. When I pushed open the doors and walked in it was like the clouds parted and I could hear angels singing "ahhhhhh...." It is clean, it is not packed, it does not look germy or grimy. You know how some cities just look really clean? Like Palm Springs or Scottsdale? The culinary wing is Palm Springs, the main building is downtown L.A. I plan on staying in Palm Springs for every class I possibly can, and those that are not held there I will try to bully the instructor into moving, or perhaps pull a fire alarm or something in the main building forcing us to go to the culinary wing.

Another thing I learned today is that while I have long searched for the perfect diet, meaning one that works, never did I think getting a degree where I will be required to bake things that have a million calories would lead me to permanent weight loss. You see, today, unwittingly, I began the "Food Service Sanitation" diet, or, what those in the biz refer to as let's learn about food borne illnesses and what is practiced in restaurants and at home as opposed to what is supposed to be done to keep us all safe. As my instructor put it so mildly this morning 5 minutes into class "It's a wonder I'm not dead yet." And, this little nugget came out of his mouth as he was dismissing us "I can see you all want to go get something to eat and are wondering where it would be safe." You fill in the blanks. The things I learned today are horrifying! I may never eat again, hence, the diet and permanent weight loss. Oh thank you CSN!

So, there you have it, a very productive day. I'm off to boil some water for dinner.