Pass the Splenda

Sugar is my enemy. So, this may pose a challenge in becoming a pastry chef. But really, just a taste should be sufficient, shouldn't it? I hope my teacher sees it that way.

You see, about 5 weeks ago I read a book in which I saw my metabolism challenged self. It basically told me that I have an alternate metabolism, and the eat less calories and expend more energy thing that works for most will not work for me. It is what I eat that matters, not just calories in. My body makes too much insulin when I eat, thus creating this vicious circle where I crave sugar and bread and pasta and rice and crackers and am never satisfied no matter how little time has passed since I last ate. This theory made me feel so much better about myself. My failed attempts at 1200 calories on Jenny Craig where I ate nothing but their pizza and oatmeal, my days on the old standby Weight Watchers where I bought every single WW snack bar, and consumed them, still staying under my allotted point value by upping my exercise, only to lose a pound and gain it back the next day. You see, I have long known that my metabolism seemed to be on Valium and that I was not a normal girl, and now I had proof, in writing, in a best selling book by a Registered Dietitian who has helped many other non-normal hyper insulin producers achieve healthy eating habits and weight loss.

So three weeks ago I began phase 1, an eight week process that allows me no more than 5, yes I said FIVE net carbs in a 5 hour period. They call this the 5 x 5 rule, isn't that cute? Guess they think it will distract us enough that we don't notice our light headed-ness. Suffice it to say the first several days I could hear my husband muttering under his breath something about going deep sea fishing, far, far away. You get my drift, I was detoxing, I was hardly eating, I was going to Whole Foods and clinging to the butcher case as they grilled me up some chicken, only to return 5 minutes later to request some more, stat, as I had made it out to the car, but inexplicably, the chicken had not lasted quite so long, in fact only the empty box had made it to the register so I could pay for what I had already consumed. Hey, I'm desperately hungry, not dishonest.

This program is not meant to be a low carb long term eating plan, but, the author says in order to let my body rest from all the over production (who knew I was working so hard at something and excelling so?) the over producer has to seriously cut carbs for the eight weeks. Phase 2 I get to eat 11 - 20 grams of carbs and can go no longer than 5 hours without eating them, in what will now seem like a carb fest. I literally teared up when I read that. Anyway, I have no idea what phase 3 is, I figure that is so far off I will read about that later. Hopefully it doesn't require eating bugs or sushi.

Since I started this self imposed torture, I have thus equalized, lost 8 pounds, and figured out that I feel fantastic. There is no way I am going back to my old starchy, sugary ways. I never want to go through the detox again, and I kinda like my husband, and I'm not sure he could take it.

Now, I am faced with school starting next week, and my first baking class. I can have a bite of sugar without wigging out, or a small, skinny piece of bread, but no way can I have a serving. I hear my baking teacher is not a nice man, and of course I want my A, but I will not eat to get it. This could prove to be interesting. I see myself taking small tastes, maybe a bite of something. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. We'll see.

Excuse me now, I need to go polish off that celery stalk I have chilling in the wine cooler. I'll let you know how it all goes.